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Introduction
To celebrate the arrival of Chu Chu Rocket and Dreamcast-based online gaming, we're giving away a bunch of free crap! For free! But... there's a catch. You gotta earn it by doing your best rendition of that fantabulous song from the Chu Chu Rocket TV commercial.
Winners
BenT: Hey, it's time to announce the winners to the Chu Chu Rocket contest! But first, since you would anyway, say something mean to me, Fragmaster.
Frags: Shut up, jerk-moth.
BenT: ... Right. Let's start with the third place winner, who gets a copy of Chu Chu Rocket...
Third Place Winner - With a pants size of 32 to 34, it's Joshua Shagam, for Chu Chu Rock!
BenT: Joshua is cool because he's the only entrant who made a threat on Fragmaster's life, saying something about killing him if we didn't post the instrumental version too. And oh look - we didn't post it. Too bad for you, eh Frags?
Frags: Oh, just post the goddamn instrumental version. Not because I'm afraid or anything... really. Anyway, it's cool how he disses me in the song, and I really like the weird-ass way he stretches the commercial into like a made for tv movie starring John Ritter or something, I don't know, with the going on a picnic and the whatnot and the such. If only he had mixed it better, as it's too hard to understand the lyrics.
BenT: That was a run-on sentence.
Frags: I didn't get this job because I could write, I got it because I made a fake resume. But don't print that, print something like "Haha, very funny Ben you are FUNNY HA HA FUN IS FUN!" ..Something like that.
BenT: Ok, sure thing. Anyhow, let's move on to the 2nd place winner, who will receive not only a copy of Chu Chu Rocket, but a broken copy of TNN Motorsports Hardcore Heat, signed by the staff of PlanetDreamcast!!
Frags: Well, actually just you and me, since Tren is in the land of Queens and Castles and stuff.
BenT: That's true. We really should see about getting him a decent dental plan..
Second Place Winner - Coming in with a sweet pants size of 34, it's Andrew Denyes, for Chu Chu Riot!
BenT: Being a freaking nerd, I'm not familiar with Atari Teenage Riot, but I can say that this sounds exactly like them. It rocks!
Frags: This entry rules. I was really hoping someone would make a somewhat hardcore version of the song. I would have made one myself, except for the fact that I have the voice of a small child. This entry causes my intestines to bleed with pure rage, which is always a good thing.
BenT: Are you sure it's just the *voice* of a small child?
Frags: What are you implying? Oh, go eat a small informal brunch.
BenT: I like ham.
Frags: Die.
BenT: ... Alright... moving on, we finally get to the first place winner, whose mad Chu Chu mixing skillz have earned him not just a copy of Chu Chu Rocket, but a coveted GameSpy Swag Pack, a Sega-brand promotional mouse trap, and a can of Safeway Select Seafood Dinner Cat Food!!! Be still, my beating heart!
First Place Winner - Hey, it's George Zayas, for The Chu Chu Song!
Frags: OK, so it's not as well produced and complicated as the last entry, but this one wins because it stays true to the contest rules, which was to sing the commercial. It also doesn't hurt that it's pretty damn funny. And while my example entry was just disturbing and scary, this manages to be disturbing, scary, and funny. Plus, his vocals aren't nearly as phlegmy, and the screams of constipated intestinal pain are a tasteful and elegant touch. I bite my thumb in glee!
BenT: Yes, this definitely rocks. I have to question what the hell this guy was on when he came up with it - mere crack is not enough. And the fart sounds.. ah, the glorious fart sounds. They really put this entry over the top.
Frags: I also like the fact that the backbeat sounds like he's giving CPR to a slightly deflated beach ball. Or one of BenT's special little "lady friends in a box."
BenT: What's more, George has managed to produce this masterpiece in the face of great adversity. You see... We asked all entrants to give us their pants size, and he supplied none. Therefore we are forced to conclude that George has no legs.
Frags: *gasp*
BenT: George, my condolences. It must be hard to go through life as a goddamn, legless freak. Yes George, we at PDC salute you. A winner is you!
Frags: Enjoy your cat food, you musically talented freak!
Other Notable Entries
BenT: Finally, here are the other people who tortured our eardrums for personal gain.
Frags: First up is Kevin Yockey, a Canadian with a pants size of V1X 7M4. What the hell? He sends us this lovely McKenzie brothers spoof.
BenT: Odd. Very, very odd.
Frags: Next is Steve Charney. Well, at least he tried. He sent us two masterpieces, with the main difference being that the second one has a stutter at the beginning. Anyway, here's number one, and here's number two.
BenT: I must say, I admire his spunk. Nice try. But uh.. do I get to mention one now?
Frags: It doesn't matter what I say, since you already wrote your next answer before I had a chance to write mine. This back and forth "realistic dialogue" format sucks.
BenT: Well, I didn't want to interrupt the quality time you were spending with your freakin' midget air hockey table. Anyway... on a lighter note, here we have an entry from everyone's favorite folk guitarist, Brian Jakobson. He heralds us with perhaps the most spirited Chu Chu rendition that we've received. His careful attention to the authentic Japanese lyrics really made this a contender, but it just wasn't enough to make it into the top three. Nice try, though. I thought that the exciting, explosive ending was especially admirable. WASHBAM!!
Frags: Yeah, we had a tough time eliminating this one, it's the first runner-up for sure. We should also mention that he claims to wear no pants.
BenT: Yes, that's perfectly disturbing.
Frags: Finally, we have two extra entries from two of the winners. Our third place winner, Joshua Shagam, graced us with a Chu Chu dance mix. Shake it.
BenT: And then there's our illustrious first place Chu Chu champion, George Zayas. When taking a break from the crack pipe, this crazy chap mixed various sounds from the game all together to create the musical taco known as the Chu Chu Game Mix.
Frags: I have to wonder why he entered the contest if he already has the game.
BenT: Double amputees are like that sometimes. What're you gonna do? Anyway, that's all the entries. I hope you've enjoyed them as much as we have - some of these were pretty damn good. A pleasant surprise, after hearing Fragmaster's rendition 24/7.
Frags: CHU CHU ROCKET, OBY YOR GASH NA, CHU CHU ROCKET..
BenT: Christ. I was going to say we'd try this again sometime, but now I'm having second thoughts. Welp, we hope you enjoyed the contest, and be sure to look forward to more from us in the future!
Frags: It'll roXor, yo.
Chu Chu Contest Archives
The Contest Rules.
The Tiny Print.
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